بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
Treating Parents harshly is not a Solution
Question: Some young people think that treating their parents with a degree of harshness gets rid of many evils; what is the ruling on this?
Shaykh Ahmad Al-Najmi: I say that this is a mistaken view; Allah subhanhu wa ta’ala ordered His worshippers to treat their parents well, “Say not to them a word of disrespect (uff), nor shout at or harass them.”
Harshness through words is a kind of harassment and shouting or even worse, and if the harshness occurs through actions it can even lead to hitting.
Whoever thinks that he can forbid his parents from doing evil by being harsh to them has imagined wrongly because Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala said, “But if they strive to make you join in worship with Me others of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave kindly towards them in this worldly life.”
Here Allah didn’t command a person to be harsh to his parents.
Also, harshness is not a way of stopping all people from doing evil.
People have different dispositions, and some are only spurred on further by harsh treatment.
It therefore becomes clear that harshness does not bring about any good; the Prophet sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said, “Gentleness does not touch anything except that it beautifies it, and harshness does not touch anything except that it spoils it.”
This person should then fear Allah and address his parents gently, kindly and mercifully.
Doing so, he would be deemed obedient to Allah, kind to his parents and disallowing evil to the best of his ability, and Allah did not burden people except with what is in their ability.
I think that this type of person (who tries to disallow his parents’ evils by being harsh to them) is like none other than those who want to reject evil by revolting against the Muslim ruler and shedding blood.
This person’s attitude is wrong, because his harshness against his parents is a greater evil than the one he wants to criticize.
And Allah is the One who grants success. [Fat-h Al-Rabb Al-Wadud fi Al-Fatawa wa Al-Rasa`il wa Al-Rudud #612]
Shaykh Ahmad Al-Najmi: I say that this is a mistaken view; Allah subhanhu wa ta’ala ordered His worshippers to treat their parents well, “Say not to them a word of disrespect (uff), nor shout at or harass them.”
Harshness through words is a kind of harassment and shouting or even worse, and if the harshness occurs through actions it can even lead to hitting.
Whoever thinks that he can forbid his parents from doing evil by being harsh to them has imagined wrongly because Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala said, “But if they strive to make you join in worship with Me others of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave kindly towards them in this worldly life.”
Here Allah didn’t command a person to be harsh to his parents.
Also, harshness is not a way of stopping all people from doing evil.
People have different dispositions, and some are only spurred on further by harsh treatment.
It therefore becomes clear that harshness does not bring about any good; the Prophet sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said, “Gentleness does not touch anything except that it beautifies it, and harshness does not touch anything except that it spoils it.”
This person should then fear Allah and address his parents gently, kindly and mercifully.
Doing so, he would be deemed obedient to Allah, kind to his parents and disallowing evil to the best of his ability, and Allah did not burden people except with what is in their ability.
I think that this type of person (who tries to disallow his parents’ evils by being harsh to them) is like none other than those who want to reject evil by revolting against the Muslim ruler and shedding blood.
This person’s attitude is wrong, because his harshness against his parents is a greater evil than the one he wants to criticize.
And Allah is the One who grants success. [Fat-h Al-Rabb Al-Wadud fi Al-Fatawa wa Al-Rasa`il wa Al-Rudud #612]
[Translated by Abu Abdillah (Abu Zaynab) Owais Al-Hashimi]
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