Patience with
Stern Parents
by Abu Fouzaan Qaasim
In the name of Allaah, the Beneficent, Bestower of
Mercy. May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family and
companions. As for what follows;
Question: “I’m
sixteen years old, and all praise is for Allaah, I uphold the obligations and
perform some supererogatory acts. However my mother is very tribal and stern.
She says mean and degrading things to me. Of course she says that she doesn’t
mean it and it’s not from her heart. And she’s always in my business and
prevents me from visiting my friends for Allaah’s sake.” What are your
instructions for this youth?
Sheikh ‘Abdul
‘Azeez ibn Baaz, may Allaah have mercy
upon him, answers: “She must be patient, forbearing and supplicate for
guidance, success and good speech for her mother. So Allaah will guide her and
protect her tongue from that which is inappropriate. If your father is
around then he should advise her. Likewise your older brothers as well so that
she won’t say anything that will harm you. And all praise is for Allaah.
As for the
matter of visitation, then it must be explained. If this visitation of yours is
free from evils, unveiling and seclusion with non-mahram men then there’s no
harm in it as long as your mother is pleased. If not, then do not go anywhere
without her consent and pleasure. Because pleasing her is mandatory.
Obedience and
goodness to the parents is a very important affair. Therefore, do not visit your
sisters except if she is pleased with that in order for her to be pleased with
you. You must speak kindly with your mother and gain her pleasure by the
legislated means. Seeking the assistance of your father or brothers regarding
that so she’ll allow for you to go and not chastise or harm you with obscene
speech. May Allaah guide her. We ask Allaah guidance for us all.”
Reader of the
Question: “May Allaah reward you with
good. Oh Sheikh, she mentioned a phrase where she said: “My mother is always in
my business.” Is this type of speech appropiate for the child to say about his
father or mother?”
Sheikh Bin
Baaz says: “This is inappropriate
and unbefitting. The mother and father can
interfere in the child’s affairs if they see it a benefit for
him/her. They are obligated to raise their children with a sound and
legislated upbringing. So they have the right to interfere into the affairs of
the child in order to rectify them and bring benefit them in their religion
and/or worldly affairs.
As for something
that will impede them from good or from the truth, then this is unbefitting for
the parents. Obedience is only in that which is good. So if the mother or
father tells the child “I need you to steal”, “I need you to betray someone”, “I
need you to cheat in this interaction”, it is impermissible to obey them, be it
the mother or father. Because this is sin and the Prophet, may peace and
blessings be upon him, said: “Obedience is only in that which is good.”
And he said: “There is no obedience at the expense of disobedience to the
Creator.” As well as if they say to him/her “Don’t offer your prayers in
congregation” or “sever ties with your siblings” or “you have to deal in
interest”, “you must sell alcohol or drugs”, the child mustn’t obey them in
these affairs because obedience is only in that which is good and there is no
obedience to the creation at the expense of disobedience to the
Creator.”
Reader of the
question: “May Allaah reward you with
good. So, the parents do have the right to interfere in the affairs of their
children?”
Sheikh Bin
Baaz: “Yes, in that which will bring
about the request without there occurring any oppression or mistreatment. For
instance consultation, advice, preventing those things that will harm them,
etc.”
Reader of the
question: “May Allaah reward you with
good.”
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