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Advice for married sisters

Advice for married sisters

Based On Your Customs:

The common practices of the people have their benefit and rulings that apply to them. Whatever the people see as good, as long as it doesn’t oppose a command or prohibition of the Islamic Legislation. So with this in mind, the general customs of the people are made up certain mannerisms and behaviors which are not suitable for you to oppose in order to protect you and your husband from public scorn. There are many examples of this, varying based on time, place, and culture. There are certain things that people used to consider despicable, today people may deem them to be from lofty mannerisms. Likewise, there are certain marital practices that may be considered crimes by people who live in rural areas, while they are considered noble practices by city dwellers. Similarly, certain practices may be prohibited amongst certain tribes, but with other cultures and ethnicities it may be an established practice.

So look at what is considered noble behavior from the people of our time, place, and tribe and hold firm to it. Do not oppose it with false claims such as the freedom to behave as you wish. And perhaps from these practices that are agreed upon.

1. Avoid calling him by his first name. Rather, it is from good manners to call him by his Kunya, or with a name that he likes to hear from you such Oh my heart, oh my dear, and other than that.

2. Lower your voice when addressing him. It is bad manners for you to raise your voice when addressing your husband or criticizing him; and it is even worse if you are in the presence of others.

3. Not walking in front of him, except when there’s a need to do so. It is from good manners that you walk by his side or slightly behind him out of respect and honor for him.

4. Not burdening him with shopping for your personal female products. Although it is permissible, many people have grown accustom to disliking this practice.

5. Calm and peaceful behavior while guests are over. The typical custom of most people is that they dislike hearing loud noises coming from inside the house and from the cooking pans, especially while they are being served.

6. Shouting out and calling him around men. Even though your voice is not aowra ( those things that must be concealed from men, such as a women’s hair) based on that the most correct opinion, most people dislike hearing a women’s voice and are more comfortable with having her clap or knock on the door and other things similar to this. This is better etiquette.

7. Giving him the responsibility of carrying the child without the need, while outside the home. Although it is not impermissible legislatively, many people look down upon it

So with these types of customs judge yourself, in order to determine what are good etiquettes and practices ,then hold firm to them, not opposing them at all; because indeed for one to oppose that which has been established is against good manners

Taken from 20 Pieces of Advice to my Sister Before Her Marriage pages 76-78

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